I spent decades of my life preparing for the other shoe to drop. ⠀
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Like if I did A + B then C would never happen... Or if it did happen, at the very least would be super prepared for it.⠀
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It was as if I thought... somehow I could control circumstances by better preparing myself for worse case scenario.⠀
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But in January 2015, my world was shaken. My beloved granddad passed away. Four short weeks later my aunt was killed in a car accident. The day after my aunt's funeral my grandma was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and we lost her in June. ⠀
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2016 didn't prove to be any kinder.
My dearest mother in law who was a fantastic mother, the best granny and an amazing friend to me passed of the same awful disease. ⠀
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At her funeral, I remember vividly saying to a dear friend thru a cracking voice and tear-filled eyes, "I don't want this to be part of our story. I just don't want my boys' to know this pain." ⠀
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But it didn't matter that I didn't want it, it was and is a huge part of our story.
It always will be.
No amount of "prep work" (if you want to call it that?) prepared me for all the loss or the waves of grief...BUT ....it sure took away from me experiencing joy in the now.⠀
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It seems contradictory but I've learned a lot about life through death. All of this loss and grief has been a wise teacher and quite frankly a phenomenal catalyst.
I do life differently now. I allow myself to feel deep joy and take pleasure in the smallest of things. I want to live both the length and the depth of my days. ⠀
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My hope for you today... that you choose to live your life fully alive.⠀
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This moment is all we have.
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